The Fabulous Familiar

Taking the ordinary and making it extraordinary...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Facebook & TMI

I just read an article on MSNBC that was discussing the violation of privacy that Facebook is breaching with its new "Places" feature. While I don't know a whole lot about it, the writer seems to be concerned that we have all become self-appointed "Big Brothers/Big Sisters" for each other. In other words, this feature allows people to say where they ran into you or where you are.

I agree with the notion that we shouldn't constantly be obsessed with the daily whereabouts of our high school friend's sister's boyfriend's friend. But I am here to respond to the writer's notion with my personal opinion: People tell the world too much information anyway. There is no need for a "big brother" lookout to happen when you have decided yourself to post that you are eating a cheeseburger with extra ketchup at the McDonald's in West Memphis and you are sitting at the table near the restroom.

I never cease to be amazed at what people will post for my eyes to see. I could have done without knowing that my elementary principal is taking a bubble bath; and knowing you woke up with a rather large zit on your forehead didn't start my morning off beautifully.

Here, in no particular order of importance, are my biggest social networking pet peeves:

1. The undecipherable cryptic status: Reminiscent of the boggled codes you have to type in to enter a secure site, these people decide to make every status a challenge. While you may love your boyfriend dearly, they-- instead-- ~~**LuV tHeIr**>bOyFrIeNd$$##

2. The I'm-going-to-be-vague-so-you'll-feel-sorry-for-me-and-ask-what's-wrong status: These people thrive on mystery. By saying, "Jumping off a cliff sounds good right about now," they are successfully reeling you in. They are either really hungry and lunch break hasn't come yet or their secret crush may have asked someone else out. You can never tell the magnitude of the issue based on their vague exaggeration. Interestingly enough, if you comment and ask what's wrong, they will probably tell you it's personal and they don't feel like sharing.

3. The uncorrelated song lyric status: I have been guilty of the occasional song lyric status, but I have only used it when it described exactly how I was feeling. Some people, however, pick obscure songs-- usually depressing ones--and share them on their status for the world to see. When people inquire about why they are so torn, confused and angry, they just respond, "Oh, it's just a song. I'm fine."

4. The daily run-down: This is the perfect status for people who always fill you in when you casually say, "How are you?" and expect "Fine." The number one warning sign that this status is approaching is the key word, "Well," which is quickly followed with a paragraph of mundaneness:"Well, today I woke up to my alarm clock, walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Got the kids ready for school and then ate some breakfast. Turned on Fox News as I got dressed and then went to work."

5. The cussing sailor: These people are out to get the world. Someone has always ticked them off and they use explicits to target the status reader who knows it is directed to them: "Well somebody needs to mind their @!*@$ business or they are going to get their #$*%* in some serious *##@#U trouble." Classy, real classy.

6. The overly explaining parent: Don't get me wrong, I love baby albums. I love cute phrases that children say. I love everything about kids. I, however, for some reason, find it hard to come across a status that is so easy to share keep-it-in-the-nursery information. Like 1,500 people need to know that breast-feeding is proving to be much more difficult than you thought. Or that you didn't think little Johnny had that much poop in him. Or that you are getting stretch marks the length of the Mississippi on your torso. Save that for mom talk over coffee.

7. Nauseating lovebirds: Why people feel the need to leave a plug to their significant other at the end of EVERY status is beyond me. Is it like taking your love away if you forget to add "I heart Bobby" at the end of your "Going out for pizza with the girls." Instead, their status must read: "Going out for pizza with the girls...txt it...I love Bobby!!" The next day? "School was terrible today. I hate my teachers...I love Bobby!"

There are many more where these come from and I realize that we have all at some time probably been guilty of a few of these. Know that most of these are in jest and that if you have been caught red-handed being the nauseating lovebird or the uncorrelated song lyric person I am not going to de-friend you...

but I just might hide your posts...ha!


Blogger Cole said...

haha love it! I busted out laughing at #6... it's so true!

Oh and #4... Matt's grandma is guilty of this one all the time. If I ever need to know what the weather is like in Michigan as well as the details of my future sis-in-law's soccer game and what movies Grandma K has seen recently, I need only to check out her latest fb status... it's all there in one rambling paragraph of a status! :P

October 8, 2010 at 1:56 PM  

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