The New, Old Me

Today, during one of my breaks, I found a dark crevice in one of the hallways. I snuck in, sat in a chair made for a very small person, and stared at a wall. I have never been so content in my life. No one was touching me. No one was shouting my name. No one was getting syrup on my dress. I didn't have to hear the phone ring. It was then that I realized that the transformation was taking place. I no longer want to have fun, nor do I seek constant entertainment. I just want to wear sweatpants. That's all.

I have never felt so far removed from the "college version" of me than I have over the past few weeks of full-time work. I used to look forward to intramural games that started at 10 p.m. and have coffee talk with friends at 11 to get us ready for a night of homework.

I no longer try to find things to do to occupy my brain. I no longer want to be occupied. I want the vacancy sign to light up in my already overworked head.

When you become an adult and start working 10 1/2 hours a day, you suddenly return to infancy-- where you are consumed with the basics. I'm driving home and I can't stop thinking, "Must get food. Must get couch. Must get sleep." Where are thoughts of an hour-long workout that once floated around in my thought process? Gone. I used to think I was one of those girls who "just loved to exercise." I would inwardly scoff at people who said they "just couldn't make time for it." The truth? I just wasn't busy enough. I used to wake up late, eat lunch and then go exercise. No wonder I thought I was Jillian Michael's best friend. I didn't know that riding an elliptical isn't fun when you feel like you just got hit by a Mack truck.

I got invited to a concert a few weeks ago. A concert I would have DIED to see a year ago. I had to do a pros and cons list in my head to decide whether staying up that late was worth it. Luckily, the old me won (despite the fact that I made a list at all) and I went. Where's the spontaneity that once ruled?

I know that once I get the hang of this new routine, things will become easier. I will be able to function on less sleep and less energy.

But, for now, don't call me past 8 p.m.