This I Know...

The class outline for the day may read: “Cover Chapters 4 and 5 from the text.” As soon as the teacher uses the segway, “Now on to Chapter 5,” I get out my blue notebook and draw a line through the number 4.

Why?

Because we are done with it. Because we said we were going to cover it. And we did.

If I am making out a to-do list, I often include items I did prior to making the list just so I can draw a line through it and feel a sense of accomplishment. While seeing “brush your teeth” on a piece of paper with a line through it may not seem impressive to you, it somehow provides me with some sort of satisfaction.

I set reminders on my phone reminding me to set reminders for later. I work from 8-12, eat a frozen meal from 12-1, take a nap from 1-2, workout from 2-3, go to my night job for the rest of the night. Every. Day.

In other words, I'm a girl with a plan. I'm a girl who doesn't like to get off track. I'm a girl who flips out if you stick me in an unfamiliar situation, with unfamiliar people when I wasn't expecting it ahead of time.

As many of you know, I had a pretty tentative plan for life post-graduation in December. I kind of had it in my head that things were going to be one way. Though I was a little unsure, it was a plan-- and I like plans. I like them a lot actually. I like being able to confidently tell people what's going down.

That plan was kind of tossed to the wind yesterday; it's like I was sitting there reading this e-mail full of words, but all I registered was, "Ashton, get a new plan." It's like the whistle blew on the basketball court and Coach Moon was yelling, "Zipper" when he had previously told me to run another play.

I think my disappointment lied more in the fact that I was left without a proper move on the chessboard of life than it was that I didn't get what I thought I wanted. God is whispering to me right now that sometimes not having a plan is better than having a plan just for the sake of saying you've got it all together.

It's kind of like saying, "Well, I brushed my teeth today. Check!" instead of waiting out something that's really worth crossing off.

I'm going to honestly admit that I don't have a real plan right now. I have no idea what's in store for me. But I just have to hold out and have faith that it is going to far exceed the crumbled up plan that's now in my trashcan.

Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." This is one of those verses that pricks the heart of self-admitting anti-spontaneous individuals like myself.

As is probably apparent by now, I don't know a whole lot. I can't predict the future. But it is time to focus on the things I DO know. I know my Heavenly Father's love; I know the earthly love I am blessed with every day by friends and family; I know the peace that comes with God closing a door so you don't have to.

I know that a beautiful spirit can't be broken by the likes of mere disappointment; I know that one day I will look back with a quaint, wrinkled smile and admit to my Creator that his Plan A couldn't have happened without the enactment of my Plan B.