Life with an iPhone

Ever since the iPhone’s release, I have adamantly turned down the offer to get one. They were too flashy, had more apps than I could possibly need and they created cell-phone addicted zombies.

One by one, members of my family began to get one. It started off with the technologically-savvy Kelsey and slowly trickled down to Dad, who upgraded from a black brick with duct tape on the back to hold the battery in place.

It was when I began to sit in on family gatherings while they playfully bantered about the latest “Words with Friends” defeat that I began to feel left out.

It was like family game night, yet I wasn’t awarded a game piece.

My mother saw this unfairness and bought one for me for graduation. People would say that opening that box and laying eyes on that shiny, black rectangle of joy is not anywhere comparable to peering into the face of your newborn in the delivery room for the first time.

I have yet to look into the face of my own baby so I am going to, for the time being, say it was fairly equivalent in initial excitement and pride.
Though I felt slightly hypocritical for buying into a device I previously scoffed at, I still promised myself that it would just be like any other phone; and would not subsequently fill up my thoughts.

Wrong.

It changes you.

My dad now plugs in what he eats into his iPhone calorie calculator. He plays “Words with Friends” on his bathroom breaks at school.

Whereas previous daydreams may have involved the next time I was going to eat, promotion to the job of my dreams or ways I could change the world, it now involves the next time I will be able to launch a bird via slingshot to kill green pigs for 5,000 points.

I readily await my mother’s 10 consecutive questions by way of texting so that I can work up my typing speed on the touch-screen keyboard.

Someone please check for a fever.

The funny thing is, I am way behind on this phenomenon so my amazement often elicits a “That’s so six months ago” shake of the head. At least I’ll be fairly cool until the next big thing comes out.

This device will in no way overtake my entire being; I promise. I will still communicate with the outside world and maintain friendships. That is, if you don’t mind getting beat with a 100-point, two-letter word on Words with Friends.
Otherwise, you may just find me huddled by my space heater flinging birds until I reach 3 stars.