'Tis the Season to Be Set Up

Spring and summer are my favorite seasons; I love to feel the sun shining down on me; I love to feel a gentle breeze; I love to see all the bright flowers blooming everywhere. Minus the mowing the yard thing, I love that the grass has become green again.

Spring and summer also bring the chiming of wedding bells. Something about the sunshine makes people all pick the same wedding dates. You don't really realize this until you hit your early 20s and then the invitations start flooding in. You soon realize that almost every weekend in May you're headed off on a 9-hour trip for a 5-minute ceremony.

... So far the sequence is this: Flowers and sunshine let you know spring and summer are here; spring and summer lead to marriage season; marriage season leads to...

Ashton being set up season.

I don't know if it's the music or the punch or the overindulgence of wedding cake that makes the urgency to find me a significant other so much greater. Even I find myself scanning the caterer behind the brisket dish.

Pretty soon, others start approaching me: "You see that guy over there? That's the groom's cousin's best friend. Oh, and he's single."

Something tells me that falling in love with this perfect stranger in between bites of chocolate-covered strawberries and party mints might prove to be quite difficult. I've rarely made it past, "Hey, I'm Ashton." "Where do you go to college?" "Harding." "Oh, that's cool. Do you know a Mary Johnson? She's a good friend of mine." "Um, the name sounds familiar but it's a pretty big school." "Oh."

The End.

Here, in no particular order of importance, are my favorite set-ups from people:

1. "Ya'll would be perfect...you love the same music and both love Italian food."

I call this the elusive "hobby" set-up. This is when people who have been married for 40 years suddenly forget that a love for Thai cuisine and Kenny Chesney doesn't always mean marital bliss.

2. "Ya'll would be perfect...he's had some hard knocks with love, too."

This set-up theory falls under the "two wrongs don't make a right" category. Unfortunately, one terrible love life + one terrible love life doesn't equal two people deeply in love.

3. "Ya'll would be perfect...his grandmother is a doll."

These type of set-ups are quite disappointing because you soon realize that just because A=B and B=C, it doesn't necessarily mean that A=C. For example, just because I love my grandmother and my grandmother loves her friend Betty and her friend Betty loves her own grandson doesn't ultimately lead to me loving her grandson.

4. "Ya'll would be perfect...he's 23, too."

Allow me to insert an old expression-- an expression of which I have no clue as to its origin. "What does that have to do with the price of eggs?" This phrase always comes to mind when people use this one on me. If this theory is indeed valid, I have a chance with every male born in 1986.

5. "Ya'll would be perfect...he's a nice guy."

I am sure there are plenty of guys who climb Mount Everest every year and eat Spam all the way who are nice guys. That doesn't mean that I want to say "I do" to a life of rappelling and oxygen tanks. Nor do I necessarily need to date a nice Fish and Game specialist who hangs dead animals to dry on my front porch. It's just not me. Nice is definitely a start, but it doesn't always mean a match made in heaven.

Most of you who know me realize that all of this is very much tongue-in-cheek. The truth is, while set-ups aren't necessarily my favorite thing, I just try to remember that people are only doing it because they love me and want to see me happy.

They see the good in me; they know me for who I am; and they just want someone else to see it, too.

So, bring it on people. I'm ready. 'Tis the season. Fa-la-la-la-la. :-)