Land of the Nerds

Tonight, when peering over the MSN style page, I noticed a very unusual headline. Headers like, "Get Jessica Simpson's Hair" and "Get Michelle Obama's arms" are quite commonplace, but I noticed a very interesting one gracing the screen this evening:

"How to Look Like a Nerd."

I couldn't help but pause on the words. With shows like "Glee" becoming big hits, it is apparent that "geek" is in. I just found it quite humorous that there are some stylish girls out there that are quite disappointed that they can't truly capture the essence of geekdom. They have to actually follow a step-by-step plan in order to truly become an authentic nerd.

Truth be told, they should have just followed me around during middle school and junior high. Here are some things they would have learned; I should have beat MSN to the punch:

1. Wear shoulder pads. If you are between the ages of 10 and 17 and you don't look like a linebacker, you just aren't trying hard enough. If you can't find a shirt in every color that has a shoulder pad, don't fret. Simply take one from your favorite shirt and insert it into every outfit to give it that perfect, British-soldier look.

2. Buy a blue jean jumper. First of all, everyone needs something in their wardrobe called a "jumper." Not only does an outfit with the word "jump" in it exude a certain energy, it is great for travel. Having multiple outfit parts is very inconvenient for packing for sleepovers. A shoulder-pad-stuffed shirt and a jumper is all one needs for an easy, on-the-go selection.

3. Buy Dr. Marten boots/sandals that weigh 25 pounds each. Forget the gym. Working out is not a problem when you have weights tied to your feet everywhere you go. These things have the strength of construction boots and the price tag of Louis Vitton. Paying $150 for a lead foot is just the thing to send you to nerd land.

4. Get a bad haircut. To be a true nerd, don't find the best stylist in town. Go to the old lady whose latest magazines are from the 1970's. When you ask for Jennifer Aniston, you will get Mrs. Brady. When you ask for Julia Roberts, you will get a mullet. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

5. Get confetti-style glasses. What in the world are confetti-style glasses, you may ask. Just like it sounds. Find some thick, red-framed glasses that have purple specks all over the frames. Nothing shouts "nerd" like a party on your face.

6. Match your eye color to your shirt. If you are wearing lime green to school, be sure to put lime green eye shadow on your eyelids. Forget being tasteful with your make-up. Real nerds go all out. If your face doesn't glow in the dark, you haven't reached absolute perfection.

I am ashamed to admit that these are only a few of the many faux pax that I was a part of during my tween years. It's sad to me that I spent so much time trying to be "popular" and "cool." According to the article, I was a trend setter before my time.

This article is a call for you to embrace your inner nerd. You don't need an instructional manual. Just do your thing.