Listen to "Boston"--It's More Than a Feeling!

I had made my mind up this year. I was absolutely, positively NOT going to get wrapped up in "The Bachelor."

It is unrealistic. It is ridiculous. It is a waste of valuable time.

I lived up to that promise all season. I had heard things here and there, but still resisted the urge to get involved. After all, my last few experiences with the show left me frustrated that he picked the wrong girl.

My friends Tina and Mandy invited me last week to their house to eat dinner and watch "The Bachelor: Girls Tell All" episode.

'I can just watch one episode; no big deal,' I told myself.

Before I knew it, my competitive spirit kicked in and I had already decided which girls were real, which were fake and who I was going to root for. Consequently, I just "had" to go over to their house last night and catch the finale. It's like I didn't even need the whole season to get all wrapped up in the Tenley vs. Vienna battle.

What can I say? I guess I just have a weakness for cheesy reality TV sometimes. It's like they are reaching through the television and asking me to take a rose whenever they choose the girl I am rooting for--which is hardly ever the case.

In all honesty, the show needs new writers. Why? Because two completely different girls are always pitted against one another. You have the sweet, genuine girl who the family LOVES and then you have the wild, crazy run-and-jump-all-over-you girl.

"The Bachelor"--whoever he may be--inevitably says something to the extent of, "{Insert sweet girl's name here} is everything I am looking for. She is compassionate, kind, loving, dependable, loyal, caring, loves children, gets along with my family and I know she would be an amazing wife."

Cue audience to be like, "And so why is this a hard choice? Come on. Get the ring out."

Then comes the pause.
...and the tears...
and the shaking of the head as he stares down at the two rings.

Then comes those fatal words; words that every good girl out there hates to hear; the words that caused me to want to throw lasagna at the screen.

"{Insert bad girl name here}...I don't know what it is about her. It's just...I get this feeling when I'm around her. She just gives me this feeling; I can't quite put my finger on it."

When he utters these worlds, the groans of agony can be heard around the world as the Tenleys of the universe know who has already won before the show is over.

Why?

Because this ambiguous "feeling" has been mentioned. What is it with guys and this vague, floating-around-in-the-air-and-you-can't-catch-it feeling?! When I say guys, I am not just referring to the reality TV ones.

Insert Ashton's soapbox here:

It seems like so many people these days are on this search for "that feeling." The truth is, people, that love and marriage are far deeper than some butterfly in the pit of your stomach and the tingle you get when they kiss you.

...It is 50 years down the road when wrinkles have overtaken the youthful face you fell in love with, but you still look at that person like they are the most beautiful person in the world.

...It is being dirt poor when you first get married but still finding contentment in your deep love for one another. It is saying, "We are going to get through this together."

...It is an old man by a hospital bed holding his wife's hand as she lets go; and knowing that he will meet her in heaven someday because they worked together to make sure they both got there.

So many people my age give up on their marriages after a few years because that "feeling" goes away. You know what? Sometimes you're going to be mad. Sometimes you're going to go, "Why did I marry this person?" That's normal.

It doesn't mean "the feeling" has gone away; you have to work to keep that feeling alive and to grow the intensity of your love.

It's like we light the flame when we're 22 and then walk away from it. Then we give up and think it's a lost cause when it goes out when we're 40. It needs to constantly be nurtured and rekindled.

Who knew "The Bachelor" could evoke such strong emotions in me and cause this sermon? I didn't even know it until I started typing. Above all, I think we just need to not go into love with this unrealistic picture of what it should look like. It is more than a feeling. It is more than googly eyes and physical attraction. God planned it to be so, so much more than that.

Doug Larson makes a good point when he says, "More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse."

In the vows, sometimes we ignore the "worse" part of "better or worse" and skip right to the dreams of sunshine and gumdrops falling from the sky. When looking for a mate, don't always just picture the two of you basking in the sunshine in the Caribbean; chances are, you won't return there after your honeymoon. Instead, ask yourself: "Will this man/woman be a leader in our home?" "Will they care for me when I'm sick and never leave me?" "Will they be able to look through their anger and still see the person they fell in love with?" "Will they, at the end of our lives, look back with no regrets?"

Those are the questions we should ask. And those are the people we should give our "roses" to.