The Fabulous Familiar

Taking the ordinary and making it extraordinary...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Personal Trainer

With 3 part-time jobs and graduate school dominating my time, there is little time to go to the gym and workout-- not to mention the cost involved. It is because of this strict time schedule that I have been forced to turn to workout DVDs. What began as curiosity has turned into a full-blown obsession. One row of my DVD collection is dedicated to Yoga Booty Ballet, Pilates, Turbo Jam and the latest--ChaLEAN Extreme.

The bizarre nature of workout DVDs is that you feel like you are part of a team, a team that is led by a motivator. The problem lies in the fact that you are suffering with people that you have never--nor will you ever--meet in your life.

I have actually gotten to the point now where I talk to the television. "You're killing me, Chalene!" I yell mid bicep curl. She responds with ridiculous threats like, "I know if you quit! That's right! I have planted small cameras in your living room to see if you are finishing your push-ups!" After a quick check in all my picture frames and mirrors, I conclude that stopping after 8 is not going to result in a knock on my door from the Extreme team.

I tried P90X for a little bit, but the trainer's voice and the creepy way he called us "Boys and girls" was enough to make me hit stop...for good.

Chalene, though overly enthusiastic and a bit quirky sometimes, is a very good trainer. This chick can be kickboxing her life away and talk to you with a tone that is so calm and steady that you'd think you were chatting over coffee. My roommate comes in to ask if I got the mail and she can't understand my short reply in between my intense huffing.

Chalene also does a good job of introducing her friends that are also on your side.

You have Mindy, the girl who probably used to weigh 450 pounds, but is now a size 4. But have no fear-- she dropped all that weight doing it at a "low intensity." So, if you want to "keep your feet on the ground," please watch dear, sweet Mindy who has a big smile on her face.

Then, you have 60-year-old Donna who looks like she is 35. She can do every push-up without going to her knees and is the verbal encourager. It's like having your grandma do a one-arm push-up while energetically chanting, "Come on, you can do it!" I haven't quite figured out if this is inspiration or just plain aggravation.

And let's not forget the girl who--every time they zoom into her six-pack abs--they remind you that she has 7 kids. Right when you begin to yell at the TV, "They had to be adopted!" Chalene reads your mind and kindly informs you that they all came out of her body. Fabulous.

Add the overly muscular man in the back who is more feminine than 60-year-old Donna and you have your workout team in place. Chalene is usually lifting only 5 pounds less than him at any given time and he whines like a baby the entire video.

Writing this entry is kind of like opening up a vulnerability for me. I find some kind of shame in the fact that I exercise in my living room and interact with TV human beings. I can't talk to my friends about Chalene, Mindy and Donna like people doing "Body Pump" at the gym can talk about their little workout buddies. It's the only thing I regret about my virtual exercise regimen.

Well, it's my lunch break now. I guess I better go home, strap on the 'ol tennis shoes and hang out with the gang. Cameras or no cameras, I'll probably do all the required push-ups anyway.


Blogger Courtney said...

Ashton, I do the exact same thing! In fact, I actually just finished my workout (20 minutes of a pilates DVD and 30 minutes of a yoga DVD, lol) less than five minutes ago... so I can totally relate. And yes, I talk to my tv too... even telling my instructors "hi!" every time the videos start. ;)

May 27, 2010 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Matthew Walton said...

Hey Ashton! I'm doing P90X myself. And yes, I'm talking to the TV, calling Tony Horton insane during Plyometrics when my legs are completely gone and I'm still having to jump and spin and everything in between. I can see how his humor can be creepy to some...but I guess I'm the weirdo who thinks its funny. You'll have another one to put on your shelf soon - TurboFire. I think its lead by Chalene as well. Well, like they all say, keep pushing play!

May 27, 2010 at 12:55 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

Ohhhhh, so accurate!! I enjoy your blog very, very much! I usually end up reading a few portions out loud to Kyle because they are so funny!

May 30, 2010 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger Cole said...

hahaha I love your descriptions of the characters... hilarious but so true!

June 17, 2010 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger Madison Mcnulty said...

I did this, and it didn’t work out well for me. I had to have my own personal trainer to keep tabs on me. It was a little awkward at first, and I got a little intimidated, but it was all for my good. Never imagined that I can do one push up more, or one lap more. The personal touch really worked out for me, and I lost a lot of weight for it. : )

Madison Mcnulty

December 18, 2012 at 7:45 AM  

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