The Fabulous Familiar

Taking the ordinary and making it extraordinary...

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Cart of Doom



"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." -Murphy's Law

If a dolly cart could be possessed by demons, I am more than convinced that the one my office owns fits that bill.

Among my assignments today was to load a bunch of tubular priority packages onto this cart and haul it through the parking lot and into the post office, facing a maze of small doors and ramps.

Loading such odd-shaped boxes (if you can even call them boxes; they are a disgrace to their box family) was quite a challenge. 'If I was one of the ancient Egyptians building a pyramid, how would I do it?' I asked myself. I placed them on there finally and attempted to use a rope to keep them on there. I felt like a cowboy-- except instead of roping a calf, I was roping inanimate objects.

Once I had the rope pulled taut and the handle to the cart in my other hand I slowly began the journey across campus. It soon occurs to me that wearing stiletto heels today was probably not a good decision. I opened the first door which is quickly followed by a ramp. I tried to jerk the cart as quickly as I could so that it would make it through the small door before it closed. It made it just in time, but I had decided to stop and it didn't.

....BAM!

It rammed into the back of my calf muscle hard. I stared it down, letting it know this was NOT a good start and it was not going to get the best of me. Other than the hit to the leg, the first trip to the post office was pretty successful. There was no student traffic which aided in the smooth trip.

On trip 2 of 4, I was not so fortunate. While there had been someone previously at the trickiest door to get through, this time there was no one around. I decided it was time to enact what I like to call the "angry cat" technique, in which you hold one door with your rear, arch your back and lean over to hold open the other door. You inwardly award your creative genius until you realize that you have both doors open but no way of getting the cart to miraculously pull itself into the student center. It is then that you give the back of the cart a forceful kick and it slowly bumps into the side of the door, causing all the tubular boxes to slide off onto the floor.

Cue the bell to ring.

Hundreds of college students begin to flood the hallways and beads of sweat begin to form on my forehead as I realize that this is a perfect example of Murphy's Law of Dolly-Pulling which states: "If no one is in the hallway, you will have a smooth ride. If the halls are full, a dog pile of boxes will inevitably ensue."

I try to stack the boxes again, but to no avail. I decide that it would be easier for me to take trips there and back then to solve this puzzle of shapes. I have never been good at 3-D puzzles or puzzles of any kind for that matter. Even the little kids' toy in which you place the shapes in the correctly shaped hole was a challenge.

It is then that I grab about 5 or 6 at a time, bear-hug style and clickety-clack my way up the ramp to the post office. I can't really see in front of me, but can only hope that those around me are defensive walkers.

After unloading all the boxes and delighting the mail people with my presence (which alerts them that they will have a hard day ahead of them), I gleefully pull the empty cart back to the office. On one of the turns, I take for granted that the now empty cart is lighter and run into curb where it decides to just stay. After I get it going, I fail to notice the car that has just decided to fly by. As I am mumbling under my breath that he should watch where he is going, the window rolls down and it is my friend Brett. The smile on his face makes me feel bad that I previously thought the driver was an idiot, and he wishes me good luck with the demon cart.

I get back to the office, sweating like a pig (do pigs actually sweat...I've always wondered this...). The secretary looks up at me and inquires about the trip.

"Oh, it was fine," I reply as I sit back at my desk and discreetly take off my heels.

4 Comments:

Blogger HannahKey said...

In tears, again. BAHAHA I always get the demon possessed grocery carts. Every time. Without fail. It either swings left or swings right (not politics now, honey, mind you... though I wonder if at times I grab a stubborn conservative cart....!) but never, EVER straight. I feel your frustration. Made me laugh hard and loud.

Love you!

January 15, 2010 at 12:58 PM  
Blogger Ronda said...

Haaa...I can just picture this!!

January 17, 2010 at 6:59 PM  
Blogger Cole said...

I quite enjoy that I was able to hear this story first hand when I ran into you in the SC that day. It provided me with laughter then and now again when reading it :-)

January 19, 2010 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

i'm totally going to start following you... this is too funny!

February 4, 2010 at 4:00 PM  

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